Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling Disorder)
Hi everyone! Today I want to talk about something other than food. I want to talk about a hair pulling disorder called trichotillomania. Trichotillomania is a condition in which a person has a very strong urge to pull out their hair. It may sound ridiculous but many people suffer with it including myself. I’ve been doing it since I was in around fifth grade. I think it’s important to talk about as many people have it. This way people know they are not alone in this. Plus I think it will be much easier to quit if we talk about it and have support.
Unfortunately this awful hair pulling disorder has been a huge part of my life. I started pulling when I was in elementary and I remember the very first time I pulled out an eyelash. It hurt but also felt good at the same time. People who don’t have this condition will think I’m a weirdo but those who are also pullers understand perfectly. I don’t talk about it much because it’s embarrassing as this disorder leaves me with bald patches on my eyelashes and eyebrows. However late last year things got worse and for the first time ever I began pulling the hair on my head and I now have bald patches on my scalp.
I first began pulling at the back of my head and the damage was easy to hide. But recently I decided that my favorite spot was at the top of head. Now I have to wear headbands any time I want to leave the house. I’ve included some photos below so you can see the extent of the hair loss.
As you can see my eyebrows and lashes are a hot mess. I’ve grown them out successfully many times in the past but I only get to enjoy them for about a week before pull them out again.
I’ve tried so many things in the past to help me stop pulling including spending hundreds of dollars on the eyelash serum Latisse. I thought if I could get them to grow long I would like how pretty they looked and would definitely stop. HA! No! They didn’t even grow because I continued to pull. Now when I’m trying to grow them out I use castor oil. It definitely works but like I said I always pull them out once they’re long again. I’ve tried putting a rubber band on my wrist and snapping it whenever I realized I was about to pull but that didn’t work either. I’ve even tried wearing gloves all day but that doesn’t really work when I’m cooking, cleaning, and taking care of kids all day.
Every year since I was a teenager I’ve been saying that I was going to stop pulling. But here I am 25 years old and still pulling. However this year I really am determined to stop pulling. If I don’t stop now I will be bald soon and that really scares me. Writing this and sharing my struggle with you makes me feel accountable for my actions and I hope that it will finally help me quit. I would really like to hear your story if you also struggle with trichotillomania. Many people don’t understand it that’s why I enjoy meeting people who also struggle with it. I know I’m not alone in it.
Lesley Stevens says
You are not alone! Big hugs to you!
Carissa says
Thank you!
Kari says
Hi! I just happened to come across this blog as I was looking for some help in how to quit pulling. You are definitely not alone. i started pulling my eyelashes and eyebrows in 3rd grade and in the last couple of years started pulling my hair. I am 39 years old with big bald spots on my head that are getting tough to hide. I too wear lots of extra wide headbands. I take Wellbutrin for my OCD tendencies and it used to help but now I’m worse. Would love to know if you find something that helps you stop!
Carissa says
Hi Kari, thanks for writing! As of right now all the bald spots on my head have grown back. However most of my eyelashes on my right eye are missing. I notice that I usually pull when I’m stressed or feeling anxious so I’m doing my best to keep that under control.
Deserae Nixang says
Hi! I have been pulling my hair out since around 5th grade as well. I finally got my hair grown out by wearing a wig all summer. And now that I took it off. I’m back at it. Nothing seems to help. I have to wear a headband as well. A thick one so that nobody sees. Here I am. Pregnant with my first and pull my hair out. I feel like a failure and ugly. With holidays coming. Pictures. I only wear a headband 🙁
How did you fight the urge
Carissa says
Oh man, I know exactly how you feel. It’s so hard to fight the urge but I would just try to think about how much better I would look without a bald spot. The bald spot on my head has grown out. But now I am currently missing like half of my eyelashes on one eye. It’s frustrating…
Tiffaney Hoffman says
WELL, YOUR DEFINITELY NOT ALONE. I too have suffered since age 11. I am 42 now. For me, it started with eyebrows and eyelashes. Then my scalp. I literally just shaved my head because the pulling has been so intense the past year. I feel so ugly. I am so bald. It will grow back. I wear hats. But it takes away from getting intimate and things like that. Trichotillomania for me starts abruptly…sticks around for a bit…then goes away as if a switch goes off. I wish you the best. I also wish doctors and people would do more research about trichotillomania. I pray yours doesn’t progress like mine did. Just remember your beautiful the way you are. We all have flaws and ways we deal stress. We just do it differently than others. Your not alone
Ela says
Hi! I have trichotillomania too. I never went to a doctor to get properly diagnosed but it started when i was in 5th grade too. I thought it was just a mannerism but then it got worse and worse. I had to wear wigs during my whole high school years, so i never really got the time to explore that much. All i did was hide myself and the fact that i was suffering. I would always recover though every year but after a couple of months of not pulling, i’d pull again. It wouldn’t even be out of stress anymore, it would just vary if i want to pull or not; and i always know that if i start pulling even just 1 strand, I won’t be able to stop. I have a hair goal this year that i started planning in the first quarter. Unfortunately, trich came back to me in May. I have been pulling again since then, but the difference between now and the past few years is that now I don’t pull everyday anymore, and if i do, i make sure to know my limit. I force myself to stop. I know how hard it is. There was even a time when i pull even when i was sleeping. I know it will never be easy but i really do force myself to stop. I would always talk to myself about how I won’t be able to live the normal life i always wanted if i keep on pulling. I haven’t found a solution to trich yet. I have also tried growing my hair long enough to restart so that i would tell myself it’s too pretty to pull but that didn’t work either. However, i find resistance to pull whenever i do something new to mg hair like dyeing it or cutting it. The resistance doesn’t last long though so i always do something new to it like exploring new hairstyles so that I wouldn’t like to ruin how i look. One method that’s helped me a lot is monitoring the days i pull and don’t. What i do is i download really pretty monthly calendars from pinterest, then every night, i would put/draw a heart on the dates I didn’t pull throughout the day. If i had pulled even 1 strand during that day, I draw an x mark. I do this on instagram stories so i can personally choose the colours. Each month i do 1 color for all my hearts and 1 for all my x’s so it would be easy for me to track. Lately, I’ve been pulling quite a lot. I would always feel bad if i pull on consecutive days or weeks so tracking my pull days makes me conscious and helps me to stop even just for a couple of weeks (because that is already a big help to me). I have also tried drawing heart marks on future days and then i delete the past calendars that has no marks on those dates so that i would feel bad to see an overlapping x mark on the heart marks if i ever pull on those dates. Another method that makes me stop is checking really pretty hair styles that make me feel happy. I download them and keep them on my own files. I also set each of them as a wallpaper so that i would get inspired whenever i use my phone. It like a vision board for me. And the last method is taking pictures of my hair progress (be it a goor or a bad one) i do this every 2 weeks or every time i know i have pulled way too much that day. I take a photo of my top, back, right, and left head angles to check how much i have improved or how much i have lost. This honestly isn’t easy for me because every time i see how much i have lost, it really trulyyyy does hurt me but then i get to want to not pull again.
I know how hard this is. I have been doing this since 5th grade and i am now 24 years old. I always thought i would stop one day. That this is just a phase. But it never happened. But I know there is still hope. I always feel that there is. I will never ever run out of reasons to feel that way. And try to always remember no matter how hard it is, that if you pull or even just trigger one strand, that will cause you to pull for the rest of your day.
Sorry for the very long post i hope i can help anyone with this.
Xx
Carissa says
I totally understand. I will often fix my hair pretty or put on makeup and tell myself it looks to pretty to pull out my lashes or hair. Unfortunately I give in. At the moment I’m currently missing patches of my eyebrows and lashes. But like you, I feel like there is always hope and I won’t give up. Thank you for commenting, it helps me feel that I’m not the only one who does this.
Ela says
you’re welcome! thank you too for this post. during my first few years of pulling, i thought i was different; that i was the only one. i felt hopeless and hateful towards myself. i thought i was the worst person in the world. and then i started learning more about trichotillomania. not that i’m happy about that, but i felt relieved learning that i am not the only one. sorry if that sounds so selfish but it’s just that i didn’t feel alone anymore and it made me feel hopeful. most importantly, it made me want to cure myself more so that i can help others too because i know how much painful this is.
i know we all have different approaches to preventing trich but if it helps, i always try to acknowledge the feeling of wanting to pull again. whenever i feel like i want to pull again or whenever i feel triggered to pull, i would always talk to myself to relax, breathe, don’t do it. i would look at pretty hair pictures, i would look at my worst hair pictures. sometimes, i would even look at hair transplant pics or watch hair transplant vlogs so that i would feel pained even just by the thoughts of touching my head.
sometimes, when i feel triggered to pull, i would grab my comb and brush my hair just to relieve the feeling of wanting to satisfy my hands and hair and then i would eat my favourite snacks so i would get away from the thoughts of starting to pull.
i really do hope i’m helping because honestly, as much as it hurts to read trich stories, it kind of helps me find new strategies to prevent pulling. we can do this!
xx
Jannell says
I feel your pain. I started pulling around age 8 and am now 54 years old. I’ve tried to stop sooooo many times, but always go back. It’s definitely a boredom and/or anxiety thing with me.
Good luck.! And be kind to yourself!
Carissa says
Thank you for sharing your experience with this. I always find myself pulling when I’m bored or anxious too. Good luck to you as well!